Thursday, September 28, 2006


So. My first love called me out of the blue the other day.

We'd been e-mailing each other for some time after he Googled me and was actually able to track me down. (Through Google! Ridiculous!) I hadn't heard from him in years. I went to visit him once in San Diego after he divorced his first wife. I don't remember why or what happened. I frankly didn't remember having visited until he reminded me (which is a bit embarrassing - I was quite a distance away at the time, so you'd think I'd remember this what with there having been a flight and all). All I remembered (after his prompting) was his dog and his favorite hangout Sparky's. No, wait. I also remember that he appeared to have been adopted as a mascot by a group of convivial Latinas.

I have a picture of me at the airport. I look confused. At that time, I frequently was.

Anyway, I digress. He had Googled me after a conversation with a colleague about their first true loves. Shortly thereafter I was in receipt of an e-mail from him that had been forwarded from my office.

After the initial shock, I e-mailed back (of course, I live for the pain!) and we've been sporadically and generally happily e-corresponding ever since.

As long as we stick to the superficial, we tend to be okay. Any deeper, and all the old unresolved and unrequited feelings and emotions threaten to sweep us up, engulf and mire us, swallow and regurgitate us.

I don't want to be naked and cold. (Or regurgitated, really. Ew.)

Superficial it is, then.

So, tra-la-la, e-mail style. I'm more flaky than he is so any pauses were my own making (or flaking).

Then he called, out of left field.

Why was this a surprise? Well, I thought he was floating about the Persian Gulf as that's where he was last time he mentioned a location (which was not that long ago). But, his deployment is over, and he is back safely stateside, which makes me happy.
That he called me fairly shortly after his return also makes me happy.... Those dress choker whites do something for me; it's shameful. We are both married to others, and he has children. He sent me a picture of a picture, and they are little cuties. I would expect nothing less.

It's odd, really. The inexpected fondness that arises when thinking of the family that your love (because I still do and always will on some level love him) has with another. Odder still for me that it arises in conjunction with that lost urge to be a part of him again.

Hm. I wonder what _his_ take is on it all.

At any rate, Welcome Home Navy Davey.* I'm glad you're safe.

(* any names in this blog have been changed for any of several possible reasons, i.e. in this case: poetic license.)


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